In the recent past I had read somewhere that if you want to bring about a behavioral change in someone, in a professional or personal context, majority of the feedback that is given should focus on the positives/strengths. For example if it’s a 30 minute performance discussion, 25 minutes should be about the strengths of the individual and the remaining 5 minutes should be about the improvement areas. In any conversation where one needs to bring about the change, if you highlight the change in a positive manner, highlight what good will happen through the change rather than what bad will happen if the change doesn't take place, the likelihood of the change happening is higher. I will like to highlight 2 experiences from my past to validate the same.
Just after my school finished, as I was supposedly preparing for my 12th & engineering entrance exams I had gained a lot of weight. During this period, Priti Zinta had come on KBC and my mother tells me that I should find a girl like this for myself, so I better start losing weight. Generally when my mother gives me advice my instant reaction is to shout. In this instance, I straight away go to the treadmill and start running. This combined with the fact that I was going to meet many new faces of the fairer sex when I join college made me fitness freak and helped me get in shape.
Generally when someone advice someone to lose weight, the message is, if you don’t get fit you will be prone to many diseases- which is a negative message. The message aims at bring fear in the mind of the receiver and assumes that it will lead to change. But research has shown that people with weight problems or other related diseases do not take their doctors advice and the problem persists. The fact is you cannot threaten someone to change. Even if I take my own example – 7 years down the line, I find myself in the same situation as I was just after my schooling. Even though I am perfectly aware of all the risks involved in being overweight, somehow I do not see myself as motivated as I was 7 years back.
The second incident which I would like to highlight is from work. Few months after I started working, I had an altercation with one of the security personals as he wouldn’t let me in to office on a Sunday. The next week my boss comes up to me and asks me if I had any altercation with the guard. When I replied to him that I did have, I would say that his response was the best way to handle such an employee. He simply told me, irrespective of whose fault it was, even if you have done no wrong, you should avoid such situations. As you grown in your career, such situations will create a negative perception about you and is something which can be avoided. My response was just a nod. But the fact is, post that incident I would never get into unnecessary altercations. Had he told me that I was wrong and I should behave properly and what not, I would have just blocked the entire feedback and would be back to my fighting ways. I believe the reason why I accepted his advice was because he had referred to my growth and not about me being at fault.
May be more managers & HR professionals need to use this approach more often to motivate employees to focus on their development. There is a need to highlight the possibilities that opens up when one bridges their skill/behavioral gaps rather than creating fear of the consequence of not bridging the gap.
